Lot to pick from this morning. The “favor” (aka “grace”) theme which permeates Esther had me thinking about the book’s place within Scripture towards making Christ known. Or, when reading Philemon, pausing to consider what, for me, is usually an overlooked purpose of Paul’s ask of Philemon: that in receiving back Onesimus as a brother in Christ, Paul’s prayer for him would be answered as his “participation in the faith” would in fact “become effective” (Philemon 1:6).

But it’s three verses in Proverbs 17 which seem to link arms, hit home, and give me something to chew on this morning as they remind me of the importance of a choice to be made.

Whoever conceals an offense promotes love,
but whoever gossips about it separates friends.

To start a conflict is to release a flood;
stop the dispute before it breaks out.

The one who has knowledge restrains his words,
and one who keeps a cool head
is a person of understanding.

(Proverbs 17:9, 14, 27 CSB)

The offense is real. The transgression true. The sin certain. You are right to think that you’ve been wronged. So whaddya’ gonna do about it? There’s a choice to be made.

Today’s inclination is to go get justice ourselves. And, way too often these days, to do so in some public square. Tweet the tweet. Start the thread. Work the room, even if it’s a Zoom room. Let others know. Might be an acceptable approach in our current culture, but I’m reminded this morning, it’s not a loving approach. It’s not a gospel approach.

Rather than call it out, the Spirit says, “Conceal it.” Cover it up. Throw a blanket on it. Overwhelm the hurt with heart, a heart of love. ‘Cause if you don’t, “sharing it” separates friends. It divides and stirs up dissension. It forces others to pick a side, even when they’ve only heard one side.

And, too often, it starts a conflict. Releases a flood. Begins something that can’t be taken back, even if you wanted to. So, stop the dispute, says the Spirit, before it breaks out.

And a person who gets this, a person of understanding, will be a person who keeps a cool head and restrain his words even as he conceals an offense.

There’s a choice to be made when offended. Talk about it or conceal it. Stir it up and risk releasing a torrent, or keep it cool and bite your tongue.

But as I noodle on this, to not gossip is not a choice to just do nothing. For lesser transgressions, a multitude of them can be covered by love (1Peter 4:8). But for those that are more egregious, those that dig a little deeper, those that create wounds which are having problems healing, Jesus gave us the flip side of this “don’t gossip” coin. “Go,” He says.

“If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother.” ~ Jesus

(Matthew 18:15 CSB)

Sinned against? Offended? Then speak about it. But not to the peanut gallery. Instead, go tell him.

To make a choice not to gossip before many about an offense should also be the choice to go to the one who committed the offense. Rather than going public and telling others about how we’ve been wronged, we’re to remain private and talk about it to the one who wronged us — between you and him alone. The purpose? To win a brother. To restore a relationship. To dwell together in unity (which God loves, see Ps. 133:1-3). To not stir up trouble within the family (which God hates, Prov. 6:16-19).

So what about justice? That’s been taken care of on the cross . . . remember?

Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

(Ephesians 4:31-32 CSB)

Been wronged? Seems there’s a choice to be made.

Only by God’s grace. Ultimately for our good. Always for God’s glory.