Hovering over a couple of verses in Ephesians 3 this morning. Not the “money verses” that talk about who I am in Christ. Instead, I’m guessing, the mostly overlooked verses of who Paul thought he was for Christ.

Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God’s grace, which was given me by the working of His power. To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ.

(Ephesians 3:7-8 ESV)

I am the very least of all the saints . . .

That’s Paul speaking. THE Paul. The APOSTLE Paul. The guy that heroes are made of. With the experiences legends are birthed from. The accomplishments great men are known for. And he says, “I was the least qualified of any of the available Christians” (MSG). I am the very least, less than the least, lower than the lowest.

Not the first time I’ve encountered such an assertion from Paul (1Cor. 15:9). Not the last either, in his letter to Timothy (1Tim. 1:15) he refers to himself as “the chief” of sinners (NKJV), the foremost (ESV). When Paul looked in the mirror he saw “Public Sinner Number One” (MSG).

Really. Is that how Paul truly saw himself? As the chief of sinners and the least of all the saints? Evidently.

But how? This is Paul. A Hebrew of the Hebrews. A sincere zealot for God. A repentant enemy of Christ become one of history’s greatest servants of Christ. A steward of the gospel, an ambassador to the Gentiles. A faithful, enduring, runner of the race though repeatedly persecuted and beaten on almost every lap. If ever there was someone atop the food chain when it came to followers of Christ, this was the guy.

So, was Paul suffering from an inferiority complex? Was he not able to see all that everyone else saw? Was he inclined to forget all that God had done in him and through him? Was he overly concerned with how others viewed him? Was he prone to beating himself up? No, I don’t think so. In fact, Paul tells the Corinthians, “With me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself.” (1Cor. 4:3).

No, Paul’s self-proclaimed “chief of sinners and least of saints” status wasn’t because he thought little of himself but because he thought much of Christ. He saw himself as so lowly because he regarded His Savior so highly. He was in a constant posture of humility because he abided with the One who alone is holy. Paul’s “low self-esteem” wasn’t due to an inferiority complex but due to a divine awareness.

How I need such a divine awareness. Not some winsome self-deprecation as I think about how far I’ve come, but a full-on, heartfelt contrition when I acknowledge and confess how far I have yet to go. Not some fake modesty but an authentic, faith-informed humility. Not just a disguised ego or a masked pride, but a divinely wrought, abiding awareness that my ability to sin is without boundary and that, if Jesus would die for me, He would die for anyone. If He came into the world to save me, He came into the world to save everyone.

Because Paul, with the mind of Christ, saw himself as the least, his “gospel capacity” was increased. If his sin did abound, then grace would more abound. If his debt had been forgiven in full, how could he not proclaim and extend equal mercy and grace to others in their sin. After all, if I’m the least, then everyone else is by definition more.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

(Philippians 2:3-4 ESV)

Big ask? I’m thinkin’ . . . But with God all things are possible. With Christ in me, His heart and mind are accessible. Not through some form of inferiority complex but because of a Spirit-formed divine awareness.

Realized only by His grace. Actualized only for His glory.

Amen?