Apparently, back in 2011, I thought I had resolved the tension I feel when reading Nehemiah 13. I didn’t. This morning, I find myself still struggling with what to take away from the last chapter of Nehemiah.

My bible titles the chapter, “Nehemiah’s Final Reforms.” Final, as in his last attempts at reform. Not final, as in those attempts took and thus there’s been no more need for reform. On the precipice of 400 years of silence (the gap between the last word of God given in the Old Testament and the first words dawning in the New), we have what we know will be a futile attempt to legislate obedience and enforce righteousness.

Even though, back in Nehemiah 10, the people had promised to live by the law of Moses and committed themselves to not intermarry, to not conduct business on the Sabbath, and to not neglect the support of the temple, in Nehemiah 13 the house of the Lord is “forsaken” (13:10-11), Jerusalem’s Sabbath business is booming (13:15-16), and intermarriage has become so common in some sectors that HSL classes (Hebrew as a Second Language) have become a thing (13:23-24). Cue Nehemiah’s ministry of confrontation (13:11, 17, 25).

And it’s not that I struggle with the idea that people-powered obedience is unsustainable, nor that government-enforced righteousness is non-transformational. It’s Nehemiah’s prayers that I wrestle with — that they are so personal.

From the get-go, Nehemiah has been a praying guy. Good on him! Oh, that I would be more of a Nehemiah. But it’s the shift in his prayers from “we” (Neh. 1:4-7) to “me” that I’m chewing on (gnawing on? gnashing on?) this morning.

Remember me, O my God, concerning this, and do not wipe out my good deeds that I have done for the house of my God and for His service.

Remember this also in my favor, O my God, and spare me according to the greatness of Your steadfast love.

Remember me, O my God, for good.

(Nehemiah 13:14, 21b, 30b ESV)

Remember me, O my God, for good . . . That’s how 13 chapters of rebuilding and reforming ends. Is that appropriate? Or is that problematic?

While, at first, I find the prayer problematic in that it seems self-centered and selfish, I know from what’s recorded of the life of Nehemiah that personal well-being and recognition wasn’t what motivated him. After all, he was a cupbearer, a pretty risky, self-sacrificing occupation. And he left the ease of his king’s courts to go and undertake the arduous reconstruction of his God’s city. What’s more, he endured through opposition. Rebuilding the city walls was no gimme task. Even when he is made governor, he doesn’t act like a typical self-aggrandized, self-serving, governor (Neh. 5:14-19).

And then, after rebuilding the walls with stone, he intentionally seeks to rebuild the people with Scriptures (Neh. 8). After building the walls, he then seeks to re-boot sacrifice in the temple and re-establish worship in the heart. No, I don’t think this is one of those leaders who’s made leading about himself.

So then, what about the “me” prayers?

Maybe they are less about his ego and more about eternity. Less about focus on self and more about faith in the future. After all, though the walls which he had built around Jerusalem stood firm, the ways which he had tried to implant within the people seemed fruitless. If Nehemiah’s motive for doing what he did was a lasting earthly legacy, at best he was only partially successful. But if what drove Nehemiah to do what he faithfully did was a certainty that “your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matt. 6:4, 6, 18), then maybe petitioning God to remember isn’t such a bad prayer to pray. For all his “life’s work”, the walls of Jerusalem would eventually again topple, and the hearts of the people would perpetually remain fickle. Thus, his life’s work was not for reward in this life, but in the belief of a life yet to come.

So, was Nehemiah’s prayer really a faith prayer? Of faith in the certainty of future hopes yet to be realized? Of faith in the infallibility of God’s steadfast love one day actualized? Of faith in the surety that what is done on earth would in heaven be monetized (Matt. 6:19-20)? I’m thinkin . . .

We may not see the results of our efforts as we’d like to see them, but we can rest in the assurance that He will remember us for good.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

(1Corinthians 15:58 ESV)

For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for His name in serving the saints, as you still do.

(Hebrews 6:10 ESV)

Because of grace. For His glory.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

~ C.T. Studd ~