How come? How come Joseph never went back? How come, after he became second only to Pharaoh (aka no restrictions on his passport), Joseph didn’t pack up an entourage and head home to reconnect with dad and spill the beans on his brothers? How come?

That’s the question I’m noodling on this morning as I’m reading in Genesis 44 and 45. Truth is, I don’t know. But I’m wondering . . .

Wondering if it’s not because Joseph may have had some nagging doubts about dad’s potential involvement in his betrayal. After all, like his brothers, dad was a bit choked at Joseph’s dreams (Genesis 37:10). And it’s not like dad didn’t have some two-faced, scheming tendencies in his past — his bio was full of them. So, how come dad didn’t come looking for him? Did dad even care? Could it be that Joseph may have had some “daddy issues” as a result of the early trauma in his life? Is that why, when he could have gone home without fear, he never tried to go home? Like I said, I don’t know, but I’m wondering.

And what’s got me chewing on such things? It’s what I’m thinking may have been the thing which emotionally broke Joseph when his brothers are brought before him after Benjamin is found with a silver cup stolen from Joseph’s house. Up to this point, Joseph’s been pretty good at hiding his identity from his brothers as they are repeatedly humbled before him, fulfilling his dream of his brothers bowing before him. But then, the dam breaks, and we read that Joseph could not keep up the charade any longer.

Then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him. He cried, “Make everyone go out from me.” So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept aloud, so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it. And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?”

(Genesis 45:1-3a ESV)

Is it his concern for his father that breaks the camel’s back and compels Joseph to make himself known. If so — and if he in fact had been suspicious of his father’s part in all that had befallen him — then what turned the tide?

Here are the verses that particularly caught my attention this morning. Here’s what Joseph’s brother, Judah, revealed that I think may have broken Joseph as it put his father in a more accurate light.

“Our servant my father said to us, ‘You know that my wife bore me two sons. One left me, and I said, “Surely he has been torn to pieces,” and I have never seen him since. If you take this one also from me, and harm happens to him, you will bring down my gray hairs in evil to Sheol.'”

(Genesis 44:27-28 ESV)

Jacob never went searching for Joseph because Jacob thought Joseph was dead. Jacob had been fed a story, the story of a son who had been torn to pieces by some animal.

Joseph’s brothers knew that was the reason Jacob never went after Joseph. I know that too, ’cause I’ve read Genesis 37. And you know that as well, if you’ve ever heard the story. But did Joseph know that? After all, he was already Ishmaelite chattel by the time the brothers cooked up the torn-to-pieces coat scheme. So, when Joseph hears that Jacob didn’t come for him because Jacob thought Joseph was dead — that, in fact, Jacob so loved Joseph that the news of his “untimely demise” had crushed him for the past 20+ years — it breaks Joseph, and he weeps uncontrollably as he makes himself known to his brothers. Is that what went down? Maybe. But one more time, I don’t know.

But it does lead me to think of how, today, many might not pursue the Father because they’re not sure what the Father thinks of them. Of how many, because of circumstance in their lives, feel perhaps betrayed by the Father. Or, of the number who are like Joseph, not seeking the Father because they’re unsure as to whether the Father even cares or wants relationship with them. So, what’s gonna cause the narrative to be set straight? What will cause people to know the truth, be broken, and cry out, “Can I see my Father?” It’s the truth of the gospel.

The Spirit-illuminated truth that God so loved the world that He sent His one and only Son (John 3:16). The truth that while we were yet enemies, the Father sent His Son to provide a way home, a path of eternal redemption (Rom. 5:10). The truth that, though we were children deserving wrath, already dead in our sins, because of God’s great love for us mercy unimaginable was offered, ready to make us alive together with Christ (Eph. 2:1-6).

It’s believing that, far from God being against us, God is for us (Rom. 8:31-32) — so for us!

That’s what should break us. That’s what should cause us to seek His face and want to know His presence. That’s why our heavenly Father can be trusted.

All because of God’s unfathomable grace. All for God’s unsearchable glory.