It really is a pretty tough piece of leather. While I’d love to think of it in its Valentines portrayal as plump, and pink, and pumping out vibes of love, this morning’s reading in Mark warns me that, more often than I am probably aware, my heart is still deflated, dark, and dull of understanding.

End of Mark 6 . . . Jesus has just fed five thousand men and their families with five loaves and two fish (6:30-43). And “they all ate and were satisfied” with twelve “take out” baskets to spare. Jesus then goes to a mountain to pray privately (6:46) and His disciples get in a boat and try to cross the sea “painfully” (6:48a). And so, Jesus “came to them walking on the sea” (6:48b).

. . . but when they saw Him walking on the sea they thought it was a ghost, and cried out, for they all saw Him and were terrified. But immediately He spoke to them and said, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And He got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.

(Mark 6:49-52 ESV)

Their hearts were hardened . . . that’s what I’m chewing on this morning. And the most famous of the “heart hardened” comes to mind, Pharaoh. Yeah, THAT Pharaoh. The Pharaoh of ancient Egypt. The “let my people go” Pharaoh who despite seeing signs and wonders of increasing marvel and magnitude, was incapable of connecting them to the God who worked such signs and wonders. Kind of like Jesus’ disciples, it seems, who “did not understand about the loaves.”

How could that be? For unlike Pharaoh who was clearly a foe of God, these guys were followers of God. So, what does that say about the heart? Tough as a piece of leather, I’m thinking.

That’s why God through the prophet said that when cleansing from sin would come, it would come with a heart transplant.

“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in My statutes and be careful to obey My rules.”

(Ezekiel 36:24-27 ESV)

A new heart. A heart of flesh. To replace the heart of stone (which sounds very much like a hardened heart).

And we know that, while the transplant has occurred, the transformation is still in progress. Our old man, our old woman, our flesh is still way too operative.

And so, when I get kind of judgy reading about the disciples not getting it, not understanding the implications of following Someone able to feed five thousand with a few loaves and few fish; when I shake my head and roll my eyes that they had been so close to Jesus for so long and still appeared to get so little; I need to humble myself and wonder how my hardened heart is making me dull to the wonders and ways of my salvation. Not wondering if I’m dull, but wary of how I may be dull.

This morning, I read that short statement, their hearts were hardened, not so much as a criticism of them but as a diagnosis for me. For as far as I might think I’ve come, how much farther do I still have to go? For all that think I understand, how much have I not really understood or understood but in part? For as much as I believe, how much help do I still need with my unbelief?

Foolish of me, I think, to not think there is still a dullness which needs to be dealt with, a thickness that still needs to be thinned out, a dependence upon the Spirit that still needs to be deepened.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

(James 4:10 ESV)

By His grace. For His glory.